Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Signs and Portents (of good)

I am occasionally a little superstitious.

When a big change is happening in my life, I look for signs that it is a change in the right direction.

When I got into the History Master's program, everything seemed to be falling into place. I got in to the program I wanted, I got the advisor I wanted, my best friend wanted to move with me, and I was able to borrow furniture from a friend.

But then when I got out there, things started to fall apart. I couldn't find an apartment for us to rent, the History department said there were no grad students around and I should come back during the first week like a normal person, my advisor couldn't meet me because he threw his back out golfing. I started panicking. This was not the way things were supposed to have worked out.

My first year did not go exactly as planned. I had kidney stones on my first day of classes and when I finally attended a class, the students were still grand-standing how much they knew and I started crying in class because I had no idea what they were talking about. I slowly understood that you didn't need to know all that crap, and I had some insightful things to say, but I spent most of my classes feeling overwhelmed and stupid. Which is probably why it took me three more years to write my thesis.

So why am I going back to grad school?

I learned my lesson. (I hope). I learned that fate and luck and divine intervention, if there are such things, can only get you to the door. I have to open the door and do the work to get what I need out of the program. And what I need are the skills for a lasting career.

Besides, I got into the program, and I have already found a good little apartment, walking distance to the school, for a very reasonable rent.

All signs point to yes.

1 comment:

Queen of West Procrastination said...

They indeed do. I'm so excited about your MLIS program; I think you're so well-suited to the field. I've been telling everyone around here about what you'll be doing this winter. (Kathryn and Simon both say hello, by the way.)