Thursday, August 18, 2011

This morning

This morning I checked my emails and webcomics with a baby wrapped around my leg.

This warm, beautiful, chubby munchkin had rolled over in his sleep when I took over his mama's place on the couch while she had her shower, and had flopped his leg over my thigh and curled right in.

We stayed like that for more than an hour, sitting peacefully, he, snoring and snuffling, me, stroking his fuzzy wee head while I surfed the net and then the new IKEA catalogue.  It was such a lovely, soothing feeling, this enforced quiet contemplation.

Unfortunately, it couldn't last.  I had to pee, and monsieur burped and decided another bottle was in order.  I mean, it had been an hour since the last one, was I trying to starve him?

But once that bottle was done, we went right back to our snuggle, him sleeping in my arms this time, and me just contemplating the wonderful little being lying across my belly, marveling at the glorious rolls and creases and chubby cheeks that have come about so recently, and wondering what the future holds for this fabulous little godson of mine. thankful that I am close enough and have the time now to see him so often and help his mama out as much as I can, wishing I could do more. thankful for the glimpses of what the future holds for me and my yet unknown babies.  thankful that his mama and I found our way, finally, to being such good friends.  thankful I came home to them yesterday to celebrate getting my first real job with baby cuddles and cooking.

Thankful his mama came home this morning before that diaper change.

Thankful that I was the one she called when he finally rolled over all on his own after I had left this afternoon.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Sucked in

I got sucked into the most terrifying tv show this morning.

So terrifying that I had to change the channel at some parts.

So terrifying that I am pretty sure there is still half a bowl of Life cereal on the bookshelf by the TV.

Apparently terrifying does not go with breakfast.

What show was this you ask?

It was an episode of Dr. Who with David Tennant as the Doctor.

I believe the episode was called "Blink".

I am not an avid watcher of the new Dr. Who series, but I did watch all of the old ones when they were played, often in black and white, on YTV when I was little.  My brother and I had definitely perfected saying "Exterminate!" like a Dalek, and I wanted my own K-9.  If I do watch the new series, I like David Tennant as the Doctor the best, but I have only seen three or four episodes max.  The episodes I have seen still had large elements of cheese to them, especially in set design or monster creation, which allowed you to separate yourself from the story a bit.

This one has stone angel statues that look like any garden statue (except when you finally see their faces, those still have a lot of cheese).  Stone angels that move when you aren't looking.  This is the stuff of my nightmares!

What is weird is that I thought the show would be scary right from the beginning,  the girl jumps a fence and breaks into a scary old house for crying out loud.  recipe for scary!  And yet I kept watching...

but then I saw that the girl was played by Carey Mulligan, an actress that has been in a lot of things I have wanted to see lately, and then she finds a note of the wall from the Doctor, and I figured, "Oh, its Dr. Who, it won't be too scary...."  So I kept watching.  And then it got scarier and scarier, but by that time I had to know how it would end.

And the whole time I was thinking, "Oh my god!  When did Dr. Who get so scary?!!!"

My mom came home and found me with both feet up on the chair, knees under my chin, with a death grip on the arms of the chair.

In the end, it was a really well done episode, I was really impressed actually...

I just don't know if I will sleep tonight.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Last

I think I am cursed.

I have a habit of only having a romantic encounter* with a guy a few days before I leave a place forever.  Which, in my academic career, has been quite a few places.

The first guy was also my first kiss.  It was an Indian guy, S, who lived at my student house in London, England.  We all went places together, and somehow he usually ended up walking next to me on our way to where we were going.  Then the night that my cousin arrived, the night before I left London on a trip with her, we all went out to a club. I really wanted to dance, and no one would dance with me, so I went to get a drink and saw one of the guys suggesting to S that he ask me.  So I danced with S, and he kissed me, and then we ended up kissing for the next few hours on the dance floor, and home in the cab, and then when we got to my floor, I chickened out, said "Goodnight!" and ran to my room.  I still remember the look of shocked disappointment on his face.  Poor guy, I was pleased with how the night had gone!  My cousin told me recently that she figured something had happened because I was spacing out on cloud nine for the next few days!

Second guy was in Victoria.  He was a friend of one of the girls I worked with and we hung out as a group for most of the summer.  One time friends of theirs from home were visiting and they had a tradition of cooking breakfast at someone's house the next morning, so I got invited to K's house.  I ended up being the first one there and helped make breakfast.  I got some pointed questions of where I had slept the night before from his visiting friends.  After most of the people had gone, he and I and one of his friends hung out for most of the afternoon and he introduced me to a whole bunch of new music.  I  sent him a message on Facebook that night that when he had time, I would love to hang out with him again.  A few weeks later we went to see a Rodin exhibit at the art gallery.  Which turned into talking for a few hours in the gallery's garden, then dinner, then coffee, then going to see the movie "Once".  Then the car mysteriously pointed its way to his house... and I went home the next morning.  No sex was had people, I am not that kind of girl.  He drove me to the airport a week later and then he drove to Newfoundland to do a masters before I came back to Victoria three weeks later.   It might have been, but never got a chance.

The encounters have gotten decidedly less romantic since then.

Third guy was from my first masters that I met again in an elevator in Ottawa on my co-op for this masters.  We exchanged emails and I did not hear from him again until the week before I left.  He claims he lost my email until then.  Anyway, we ended up having a coffee break together at work and had a really great chat.  The coffee break was about an hour longer than it should have been!  It might have turned into something if we had more time, but I left three days later.

And this brings me to guy #4.  Nothing romantic about this one at all.  The guy is in two of my classes, and we have not had anything to do with each other until we happened to sit next to each other last week and helped each other with our websites.  Our program had a prom last night and he and his friend followed our group to the next club.  They were both after a girl in our group.  When it became obvious that he was getting nowhere with that girl, he came over to dance with me.  We were not so much dancing together as occasionally doing the same stupid moves.  I went to sit with the rest of my friends and he came and sat down occasionally, but my friend's boyfriend gave him a look, and he would go off again.  Somehow we all ended up leaving together and when I was having trouble walking he swooped in to hold my hand.  Then while my friends were ordering sandwiches at Subway, he asked me if it would be appropriate to ask me to go home with him.  I said no.  He took the next cab out of there.  I regretted it a little because I had to hobble back to my friend's hotel room to get my flat shoes with no one to hold onto.  I am not sure what is going to happen on Tuesday when I have two classes with him.  Hopefully we can go back to politely ignoring each other!

I just don't understand though, is it something about "The End" that makes guys bolder?  Or is it something about me that makes guys wait until the very last second?  Am I that intimidating?

Once or twice I would be ok with, but four times?!!  Geez!  Some cruel joke the universe is playing on me!  This last one especially, its like the universe suddenly realized I was about to leave here in a week and threw whoever was closest at me without really thinking about it, "Oh sh*t!  C's leaving in a week! Uh... he'll do!  =toss="

As soon as I am living in some place for longer than 4 months at a time, I am going to say "screw you!" to the universe and do something about this dating thing, but until then, I shake my fist at you universe!

*I wrote "asked out" first and then realized that in most cases I was not formally asked out at all!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Weird Kid

So, I was a very imaginative child.  I would spend hours by myself, telling myself a story.  Often these stories got wildly out of hand, and ended in some horrible, macabre, gory way.

Seriously people, I once started singing a version of "On Top of Spaghetti" to myself that somehow ended in the battlefield massacre of millions of puppies!

I have no idea why my imagination was so messed up from such an early age (ahem, watching Star Wars when I was three, ahem), but it was, and it usually ended up with me in tears over the horrors that had befallen my characters, and running to mom, until I realized she just didn't understand.

I have no idea how my mother put up with it.

Scene: Kitchen, mid 1980s, mom making dinner.

Mom: So nice to have the kids playing quietly in their rooms.  Kids, wash your hands! Soups on!
A: Yay Dinner!
C: =SOB= bwaaaaaaa!  =SOB=
Mom: C!  What wrong sweetie?
C: The kitty di-i-ed-d =SOB= bwaaaaaaaa!
Mom: What kitty died?  Where? A?  What did you do to your sister?
A: Nothing!
C: The kitty with the candle =hic= he ... he ... went up the stairs ... and the door wouldn't open ... and...and he ...he di-i-i-ed =SOB!=
Mom: What kitty?
C: The one on my wall =sniffle=
Mom: What kit-...?  You mean the one on the tapestry? The one your Aunt made?  On the wall above your desk?
C: un hun
Mom: The kitty on your tapestry died...
C: un hun
Mom: How...?
C: I was telling myself a s-story and the kitty died at the end...
Mom: Wh-  ?........ I am sorry honey, that is very sad.  Why didn't you tell yourself a happier story?
C: =confused stare=   =uh oh! abort! Mom doesn't understand that stories go where they want, say no more, just start eating=
Mom: ...Well ... um ... eat up...?

As an adult looking back now, you can totally tell that she was thinking something along the lines of "WTF!!!! This kid is totally batsh*t crazy!!!!"  or whatever the polite way of saying that in the 1980s would have been.  Everytime my family didn't understand why I had done something, I just clammed up and wouldn't say any more.  I had obviously miscalculated my observations of humanity somewhere and done it wrong if they didn't understand and therefore had brought shame upon myself.

Like I said: Weird Kid!

Mom's line to explain to my brother why we were treated differently in terms of punishments and things when we were growing up is:

"Well, I could reason with you!  There was absolutely no reasoning with her!"

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Time for bed

Just spent a minute scratching at a spot on my "p" key.

It would not come off.

Then I looked closer.

It was a tiny * in the bottom corner of the key.

Its supposed to be there.


Monday, January 24, 2011

Directed Dreaming

Early this morning I started to dream about finding a kitten in the dumpster behind my building, but since I was almost awake, my thinking brain took over and started presenting too many options for where the dream could go.

Like choose-your-own-adventure on speed.

There was no choice about bringing the kitten inside, it is winter.  Then the dream suddenly produced posters proclaiming "Found Cat".  But thinking brain took over and said that would take too much time, we needed to wash the kitty first.  It was found amongst garbage after all.

Then the options: Which sink, kitchen? bathroom? bathtub?; What kind of soap, shampoo? liquid handsoap? dish soap? bar soap?; Does the kitty have fleas?  Would a rinse with tea-tree oil and water get rid of them?  In what ratios? Would it be safe for the kitty?  Do I have anything else in the house that would get rid of fleas?

Then the rest of the dilemma: Am I keeping the kitty?  What about Baz? A kitten should really meet Baz when it is a kitten, not once it gets established, but Baz is not here, she is at mom and dads.  Do I want to spend money on litter and food if I am not keeping it?  Should I call my cousin and ask to borrow some from her cat?  Where will this kitty be contained?  The bathroom is awful small to keep it in when I am not here.

Am I keeping the kitty?  Am I not? Who will I give it to? How will I find it a good home? Where? When? Why? How? -

So I woke up.  Far too many decisions for first thing in the morning.

What could have been a wonderful dream that I would have woken up from feeling wistful about the day in the future when I can have a kitty of my own, turned into a logistical nightmare that I woke up feeling very frustrated from.

Thanks a lot thinking brain.

Saturday, January 22, 2011


Outside it is -11C and snowing

There is something moving in the tree across the parking lot.

I have been staring at it for awhile trying to figure what it is.

It is moving back and forth, maybe a squirrel?

but it seems to be black and white, so.... woodpecker? in the snow? do they do that?

chat on facebook with my friend in Costa Rica (I think). She is telling me about the monkeys and parrots outside her window.  I tell her about my mysterious animal...

... right when I figure out that my "animal" is in fact,

a shoe.

her comment?  "Oh, those rare and endangered shoes!"

I have now been teased from the jungle.

Hello Again!

Heya everyone,

Sorry about that, stepped out for awhile, but I think I am back now.  Not quite sure of course.  In any case, enjoy the new look, very fitting, I thought, for a library science degree!

So, things I did while I was away:
  • finished a summer semester of school which was mostly about children's librarianship
  • got only two co-op interviews and thankfully was offered a position at Library and Archives Canada
  • moved to Ottawa for four months for said position
  • had an awesome roommate (the best ever!) and a terrible landlady (just par for the course)
  • had a great job at LAC and learned a lot.  Especially how to work with archivists, we are a weird lot
  • Saw one best friend for a few hours on Christmas Eve, and another for an overnight in T.O.  both visits were way too short.  We need to live closer!
  • moved back to London into a one bedroom apartment I am subletting from a friend who was lucky enough to get an extension on her co-op
  • started my last semester of my MLIS with 2 archives courses, web design, and the dreaded management!

I cannot wait to be done this degree!  I am ready to be a grown-up with a proper job, having enough money to actually feed and clothe myself and have some fun too!  I look forward to weekends and evenings that do not have any schoolwork looming overhead!  Maybe live in a city long enough to know where I am going and how to get there!  Live in a place where Baz can live with me again!  Own a car, a house, ... a baby carriage?

I really hate this feeling of waiting for my life to begin.

I know that finishing this degree won't magically make all this happen, but it will at least get rid of that "stalled in neutral" feeling  (that is probably a bad analogy since I only drive automatic)

At the moment I would just settle for having a reason to not still be in my pyjams at 4pm on a Saturday.